December 2009
'Cause I'm just scared of losing control
(via beneathmybones)
You know what I hate about the quiet? It leaves you to your own thoughts. There is nothing worse than that when your mind is speeding at 1000 mph and all you really want is a blank slate. It sucks even more when tragedy strikes because then you question everything, you regret everything you’ve ever done and you beat yourself up repeatedly, albeit you may deserve it, but all you really want is peace.
November 2009
I wonder a lot if the reason so many people stay single is because of books. Think about it, you read of all these fabulous love stories and naturally, that’s something you’re gonna want. So you have this image in your head of this perfect guy/girl for you thats based off some person you read about or saw in a movie, so when the real thing comes up to you and is like, “Hey.” you’re like “Not interested!” And then you’ll never know you just let Mr/Ms perfect walk right out of your life because of some crazy idea of your perfect person! Gosh, maybe books only make things worse after all!!
P.S. Excuse my sucky grammar/punctuation
Why do i keep buying diaries if i never use them?
“
Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you
On the day that you were born
The angels got together and
Decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
And golden starlight in your eyes of blue
That is why all the boys in town
Follow you all around
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you
My Style (Feat. Justin Timberlake)
Black Eyed Peas
My Style by The Black Eyed Peas
“
I’m through with standing in line
To clubs we’ll never get in
It’s like the bottom of the ninth
And I’m never gonna win
This life hasn’t turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me
(So what you need?)
I’ll need a credit card that’s got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there, done that)
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
[Chorus:]
‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the quesadilla on the house)
I’m gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
[Chorus]
And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I’m gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser
I’ll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
lip sync ‘em every night so I don’t get ‘em wrong
[Chorus]
And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I find it funny that we can blast our deepest desires and secrets on the web, but we can never really say what needs to be said to the people in our lives.
Today I asked my mom was supposed to take me to the humane society, we talked about it earlier in the week. Then today she’s like, “I’m not taking you, go on the bus” so naturally i was upset. Som I’m all getting ready and i go to her and I’m ready to go, so i tell her i need 2 dolloars(the bus is super expensive! i remember when it was 50 cents!!) but she goes, “I’ll take you…I just wanted to see if you’d get up and do it.” Something about her being my personal chauffer, “No one likes to be used, and sometimes my body feels broken down like right now.”
I guess she’s forgotten about all those countless times I’ve gotten her water, although i was in the middle of doing homework and she was doing nothing, the 6 times she’s forgotten me places, all the times she’s verbally abused me for shit i didn’t do an then NEVER apologizes! No one wants to feel used huh, well how bout you try to be your daughter and see what it really feels like!
I’m volunteering at the Humane Society today. Its really fun! I really like to play with the cats, mainly because my mom won’t let me have one. She had a bad experience…sucks for me!
Word of the Day
Irk: Transitive Verb. to make weary, irritated, or bored
“
How can I decide what’s right?
When you’re clouding up my mind
Can’t win your losing fight all the time
Not gonna ever own what’s mine
When you’re always taking sides
You wont take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time
How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know
The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can’t see
What kind of man that you are
If you’re a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own
(I’m screaming “I love you so…” But my thoughts you can’t decode)
How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’re gonna make such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’re gonna make such fools of ourselves
How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I use to know you so well
I think I know
I think I know
There is something that I see in you
It might kill me I want it to be true
“Because I can’t. I… had an experience… I can’t prove it, I can’t even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real! I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever… A vision… of the universe, that tells us, undeniably, how tiny, and insignificant and how… rare, and precious we all are! A vision that tells us that we belong to something that is greater then ourselves, that we are *not*, that none of us are alone! I wish… I… could share that… I wish, that everyone, if only for one… moment, could feel… that awe, and hope. But… That continues to be my wish.”
—Contact (via parrishp)
Word of the Day
Ghetto: n. 1 : a quarter of a city in which Jews were formerly required to live
2 : a quarter of a city in which members of a minority group live especially because of social, legal, or economic pressure
3 a : an isolated group <a geriatric ghetto> b : a situation that resembles a ghetto especially in conferring inferior status or limiting opportunity <the pink-collar ghetto>
I felt the need to clarify this. Some random person tried to tell me once that a ghetto wasn’t a place that minorities live, that it was only the first definition. I know what I’m talking about, I read…so screw you whoever you are!
Word of the Day
Euphoria: n. a marked feeling of well-being or elation
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
—Bernard Meltzer (via simko)
Anna Molly
Incubus
Anna Molly by Incubus
Word of the Day
Grossness: n. the quality or state of being gross
“
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody’s out to get you
Don’t you let it drag you down
‘Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
Singing out
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything’s not lost
So come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything’s not lost
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
And everything’s not lost
Come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
Come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything’s not lost
Sing out, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything’s not lost
Come on, yeah
Oh, oh yeah
Sing out, yeah
And everything’s not lost
My school gives us computers, and we get to take them home hooray! But they try to control our whole damn lives! They gave us a curfew…WHAT THE HELL????? I’m a SENIOR! I don’t need a stupid curfew give that to the freshman! I stay up doing homework WAY past 11! That is so RETARDED! How do you make a computer part of out curriculum if we can’t even use them!!! And they spy on us…seriously? The can hack into everything if they wanted to…EVILLLLLLL! I can’t take my laptop to school and use it for whatever reason so I’m stuck with this one! I’m kinda regretting this now….probably shouldn’t post this…they can see it
I went to a Steve Miller concert yesterday, it was an amazing experience. It was just one of those random concerts my mom dragged me to, but i really loved it! I’m a fan now!! I must have all his music!!
“
She says she loves me
But she comes and goes when she pleases
When the door shuts
It’s like another papercut
And I’m stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades
Claims she loves me
But she cuts me into pieces
When I’m sewed up
Here comes another papercut
Now I’m stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades…..
We met 22 years back
Fresh out the womb
Now she consumes me,
No room for self these days
And she’s so demanding
Do this, do that
Don’t forget to take your medicine
I hate it when her face is invading my head again
The welcome mat reads “please take off your shoes”
But she disregards the statement
I’ve grown accustomed to bending my beliefs to
Satisfy her needs
But I’m fed up
With plugging cuts everytime they bleed
So I dip my pen in the puddle
What a bloody mess its been
Trying to end this struggle
But I love her,
She’s the reason for the lesions
Man I love her
I start bleeding when she’s leaving
And every scar on my fingertip is a reminder of
All the lessons learned
On my missions to try to find her but
I’ll sit alone until she comes back home
And I’ll be waiting by the phone
[phone rings:] “Hello?”
She says she loves me
But she comes and goes when she pleases
When the door shuts
It’s like another papercut
And I’m stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades
Claims she loves me
But she cuts me into pieces
When I’m sewed up
Here comes another papercut
Now I’m stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades…..
[On the Phone]
She don’t live here no more
I heard she’s staying down the street with the dead beat
That don’t treat her right with two bad ass kids
Guilt and Regret
And I’m willing to bet
My last album that she’s wishing she was kissing me
Man the nerve of this bitch
Pardon my French
But it’s been 10 days
And I’m getting kind of light headed
Maybe I’ll write her a letter in a gentleman’s way
And send it with the hopes that she might get it
I can’t believe I let her run all over me
But all I think about is
When she’s here and holding me
I love her
She’s the reason for the lesions
Man I love her
I start bleeding when she’s leaving
And every scar on my fingertip is a reminder of
All the lessons learned
All my missions trying to find her and
I can’t complain
I kind of like the pain
She ain’t even got a name
She just lives in my brain
And says..
She says she loves me
But she comes and goes when she pleases
When the door shuts
It’s like another papercut
And I’m stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades
Claims she loves me
But she cuts me into pieces
When I’m sewed up
Here comes another papercut
Now I’m stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades…..
She says she loves me but
(she really thinks that I’m an asshole)
She says she loves me but
(my ears are too big)
She says she loves me but
(I pick my nose too much)
She says she loves me but
(she says I never really listen)
She says she loves me but
(I take too many pills)
She says she loves me but
(I never pay my bills)
She says she loves me but
(I wait until the last minute)
She says she loves me but
(I don’t try hard enough)
Poser?
I was just looking around my room and my closet and stuff, and I started thinking, “I wonder what my clothes say about me…” I have no defenite style, I fit no stereotypes. Some people would call me a “poser” because of those things and I tend to hang with all different types of people and I like ALL types of music. I’s just say I’m eclectic (i define it as assorted interest) but would others? So I ask, what is your defenition of a poser?
“
Mama please stop cryin’
I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful
And it’s tearin’ me down
I hear glasses breakin’
As I sit up in my bed
I told Dad you didn’t mean
Those nasty things you said
You fight about money
‘Bout me and my brother
And this I come home to
This is my shelter
It ain’t easy, growin’ up in World War III
Never knowin’ what love could be
You’ll see, I don’t want love to destroy me
Like it has done my family
Can we work it out?
(Can we?)
Can we be a family?
(Can we?)
I promise I’ll be better
(I promise)
Mommy, I’ll do anything
(I’ll do anything)
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better
Daddy, please don’t leave
Daddy please stop yelling
(Stop)
I can’t stand the sound
(Can’t stand the sound)
Make Mama stop cryin’
‘Cause I need you around
My mama, she loves you
(I know it)
No matter what she says is true
I know that she hurts you
But remember I love you too
I ran away today
Ran from the noise, ran away
(Ran away)
Don’t wanna go back to that place
But don’t have no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin’ up in World War III
Never knowin’ what love could be
That I’ve seen, I don’t want love to destroy me
(I don’t want love to destroy me)
Like it did my family
Can we work it out?
(Can we work it?)
Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better
(I promise I’ll do anything)
Mommy, I’ll do anything
(To keep you better)
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better
(I promise, I promise)
Daddy, please don’t leave
(Stay)
In our family portrait
(In our family portrait)
We look pretty happy
(We look pretty happy)
Let’s play pretend
(Let’s play pretend)
Let’s act like it comes naturally
(That’s right)
(That’s right)
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
(No, no)
I don’t want two addresses
(No)
I don’t want a stepbrother anyways
And I don’t want my Mommy
Have to change her last name!
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal
Let’s go back to that
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend
Act like it goes naturally
In our family portrait
(Can we work it out?)
We look pretty happy
(Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal
(I promise I’ll be better)
Let’s go back to that
(Mommy I’ll do anything)
In our family portrait
(Can we work it out?)
We look pretty happy
(Can we be a family?)
Let’s play pretend
(I promise I’ll be better)
Act like it goes naturally
(Daddy please don’t leave)
Oh let’s go back oh lets go back to that
In our family portrait
(Can we work it out?)
We look pretty happy
(Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal
(I promise I’ll be better)
Lets go back to that
(Mommy I’ll do anything)
In our family portrait
(Can we work it out?)
We look pretty happy
(Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal
(I promise I’ll be better)
Let’s go back to that
(Mommy I’ll do anything)
Daddy don’t leave
(Don’t leave)
Daddy don’t leave
(Don’t leave)
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy turn around please
Remember that the night you left
You took my shining star
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Don’t leave us here alone
Mama’ll be nicer
I’ll be so much better
I’ll tell my brother
I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better
I’ll do everything right
I’ll be your little girl forever
I’ll go to sleep at night
